Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

NEWS BRIEF

According to sources close to the Romney campaign, Mitt Romney has prepared a list of running mates, and Representative Pete Sessions (R.-TX) leads the other possible vice Presidential candidates. The Romney “brain trust,” led by Angelo Mozilo and Samuel Wyly, believes that a Republican team drawn from the New England area and one of the “sunshine states” would fare best against President Obama.

FNP’s sources have requested anonymity but claim that Romney will choose Pete Sessions as his running mate. Representative Sessions is considered a conservative. Our sources stated that a hot debate ensued about whether Mitt Romney, who has billed himself as a “conservative,” might not be better off with a middle-of-the-road, or even liberal, running mate.

One of Romney’s advisers lobbied for a “Rockefeller Republican” such as Henry Kissinger or David Gergen.

FNP was told by one anonymous source that Texas was the key to Mitt Romney’s decision. Although Pete Sessions has been nominated as the dumbest man in congress, he has a strong capitalist orientation. His record in congress proved to Mitt Romney that he generally understood the American system of protecting the rich from discomforting levels of taxation.

FNP was advised by these insiders that “Mitt likes Texas.” Mr. Romney sees Texas as one of America’s vital depots for essential commodities, such as oil, natural gas, cotton, soybeans, wheat, beef, and Latinos. Further, Mitt Romney noticed the New England-Texas axis exploited so successfully by the Bush (aka, Arbusto) family. He liked the Bush style of governing.

The media is well aware of Mitt Romney’s strong support for the Israeli state. As with the Bush family, he would not hesitate to go to war in the Middle East, if warring against some camel king made the Israelis feel more secure. This resolute, steadfast allegiance to Israel is shared by Pete Sessions, who has been rumored to frequent Tel-Aviv strip clubs while on fact-finding missions and to have a private bank account at one of the secretive Israeli banks. He has been awarded the ADA’s American of the Year honor in the past.

With these credentials, the Romney camp believes that Pete Sessions will seal the Tea Party Republicans and the Christian Zionists to the Romney candidacy. Mitt Romney was quoted by an insider as joking that “if boy scouts could vote, Pete Sessions would win their block vote for us Republicans.”

FNP contacted Angelo Mozilo for any comment he might want to make about Pete Sessions as Romney’s vice presidential candidate. He said, “He’s a good boy.”

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

NEWS BRIEF

According to sources close to executive policy-making at the Center for Disease Control (“CDC”), top scientists have raised the spectre of drug-resistant venereal diseases overwhelming America’s medical community. The feared vectors hypothesized by these scientists are the Secret Service agents who accompany the president of the United States in his travels abroad and the Army, Navy, Marine, and Air Force personnel who join them.

Dr. Phengold Quilly, a top scientist with the CDC, cautioned the top brass at a closed-door meeting that the Secret Service agents who travel with the president’s entourage may prove to be the “new killer bees.” He pointed out that South America has been the traditional source of deadly plagues that have marched implacably toward the U.S. border. “We have never been able to prevent their entry into America,” he warned. “Gentlemen, the odds are against us. Uncle Sam may take a bullet no matter how hard we try to protect him.”

FNP’s sources stated that Dr. Quilly’s warning was then backed up and elaborated upon by Dr. Helena Rubiwitz, Chief, Socially Transmitted Diseases, at the CDC. Her department – known informally within the CDC as the “Ho Patrol” - studied venereal diseases and, especially, new mutations. Dr. Rubiwitz bluntly warned the top executives that among Latin American prostitutes, there were discovered such a dense population of dangerous disease agents that many had never been named as they had not been discovered. She mentioned the name of British Nobel Laureate Nigel August Snapthread, who had spent thirty years researching and documenting such disease agents (and for whom 107 toxic venereal microbes have been named).

FNP has been advised by experts that there is really no such thing as “safe sex” in a polluted pool.

For this reason many authoritative voices have begun to quietly lobby congress to quarantine the Secret Service until a thorough evaluation in a controlled environment could be made. As a precaution, certain U.S. military personnel should also be quarantined. This would also give CDC doctors an opportunity to develop new drugs to stop the “killer bees” viruses.

Meanwhile, FNP has learned that President Obama has asked NASA to develop a “robotic woman” which could be carried in an attaché case by his Secret Service agents. In this way he hoped to lessen the “call of the wild” which arose when “animal energy” peaked in Secret Service agents.

FNP has tried to contact NASA officials to verify this story, but no official has returned our calls to date.

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

NEWS BRIEF

FNP has learned that Janet Napolitano, Director of Homeland Security, has debriefed the eleven Secret Service agents and has determined that no “Lone Wolf” terrorists were involved in the Cartagena sexathon. In a press release today she stated that the obvious danger to the president of a “Lone Wolf” terrorist, disguised as a prostitute, gaining hard data in regard to President Obama’s planned routes while meeting with South American dignitaries was clear.

Joining with Ms. Napolitano in the debriefing of the eleven agents was known sodomist and expert on perverted sexuality, Morris Seligman Dees, Jr., head of the Southern Poverty Law Center (“SPLC”). Better known as “Mo,” Mr. Dees issued a concurring statement, pointing out that none of the prostitutes were known anti-Semites or racists. The SPLC in South America had no records on any of the women involved with the Secret Service agents. Although there can be no definitive conclusion that none were, or are, “Lone Wolf terrorists, Ms. Napolitano and Mr. Dees believe that they were not.

Further, none of the women involved could be linked to American domestic “Lone Wolves.”

Here, Ms. Napolitano provided a photographic example of a known American “Lone Wolf” terrorist.

Donald Graham, Chairman of the Board of The Washington Post Company, advised Director Napolitano that the Post had been preparing a series on the SPLC in South America and would vouch for its professionalism. He mentioned the SPLC in South America’s discovery of children who looked exactly like Adolph Hitler as proof of its amazing investigative talent.

When Jay Carney, White House Press Secretary, was asked by FNP reporter, Jerome Kernscow, what the president thought of the Homeland Security Press Release, he replied carefully that the White House was studying the report but had no comment at this time.

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

NEWS BRIEF

White House Press Secretary James “Jay” Carney revealed today President Obama was not directly involved with eleven Secret Service Agents alleged to have “patted down” some “suspicious” women they claimed were loitering near their hotel. Mr. Carney affirmed that the President expects only the most exemplary behavior by any personnel assigned to White House duty of any kind by any government or private agency.

Mr. Vladimir Nyetenahusky, Associate Sub-Secretary for Secret Service Travel, stated at the press conference that customarily the Agency sent a vanguard, or beach landing, prior to the arrival of the President. Their task was to make contact with the local officials and arrange safe routes for the President as he took care of the affairs of state. For this duty the Secret Service usually selected agents who could project the “macho” characteristics of the world’s only “superpower.”

According to FNP’s man at the press conference, Jerome “Jerry” Kernscow, Press Secretary Carney interrupted to interject, “dripping with testosterone,” apparently alluding to the desired image referred to by Mr. Nyetenahusky.

The Secret Service Travel expert continued by stating eleven agents noticed several scantily dressed women both outside their hotel and scattered about the pricey spa facility.

As al Qaeda in Columbia was known to employ young, shapely women to infiltrate targets for acts of terrorism, Maurice “Bam Bam” Buchanon, acting head supervisor for the Secret Service in South America, ordered his men to “pick up” the scantily dressed women to see what they might be hiding.

By honest mistake one of the women his agents picked up was Senorita Maria Jessica Rivera, a young actress starring in a musical production of Irma La Douche. She was also the younger sister of the local police chief for Cartagena, Raoul Renditio Oja Rivera.

When word reached the police station that Raoul’s sister had been dragged into a hotel room by suspicious Americans, he led a detail of police to the hotel where the agents rented several rooms.

Meanwhile, the hotel management reacted independently to complaints of “wild laughter and screams” coming from some of the hotel’s rooms. They were already aware that ten prostitutes had delivered to them IDs so that they could stay until 7:00 AM, which was the official check-out time for prostitutes employed by hotel guests.

At this point in time Senor Ortega y Sanchez, the hotel manager, was unaware that Maria Jessica Rivera was missing.

Meanwhile, in one of the rooms Bo “Drill” Jackson was interrogating one of the young women. Later, she would charge that he forced her to undress and poured champagne from a magnum all over her body. He abused her dignity at check-out time by not paying her.

Although the other scantily clad women were apparently paid before check-out, Senorita Chiqui Gonzalez told Senor Ortega y Sanchez she would not leave Agent Jackson’s room without her money. Further, she claimed that he had torn her “dress.”

Secret Service Agents Mitchell Drake and Franquel Monty then joined the argument, claiming that she was a dirty “ho” and shouldn’t be trusted.

When Senor Ortega y Sanchez informed them that limited areas of prostitution were allowed in Columbia and that the young women who had stayed with the agents that night were all “small business women,” the incensed agents screamed, “What kind of country is this?”

Agent Monty put his face next to the manager’s and shouted, “Have you no respect for decent people?”

About this time Police Chief Raoul Rivera arrived with his detail of men.

A shouting and pushing melee commenced, as the Cartagena police chief demanded to know which one of them had “defiled” his sister.

About that time a nude Maria Jessica Rivera came racing down the hallway shrieking that she had been “touched” by that man, pointing at Secret Service Agent Dakota Switzel, who was stumbling toward them as he put on his pants.

Taking off his jacket, Chief Raoul Rivera wrapped his baby sister protectively. Pulling his pistol, he declared that Agent Switzel was under arrest for “violating an innocent.”

Then pandemonium occurred as all the agents and police officers drew their guns.

“Where is my money?” screamed Senorita Chiqui Gonzalez, as she jabbed an accusing finger at Agent Bo “Drill” Jackson.

In disgust he flung a few hundred dollar bills at her. “Get this ‘ho’ out of my face,” he snapped.

Between Maurice “Bam Bam” Buchanon and Senor Ortega y Sanchez, a “stand down” status was achieved. Agent Jackson agreed to pay for a new dress for Senorita Rivera and to pay her $1000 to “restore her dignity.”

According to our man Jerry Kernscow, Mr. Vladimir Nyetenahusky thus wrapped up the details of the “minor misunderstanding” that had taken place that night in Cartagena. However, to still any troubled waters the eleven Secret Service Agents have been ordered to immediately return to Washington, D.C.

Continuing, Mr. Nyetenahusky observed that the Secret Service Agency trained all its agents to be experts in martial arts and in firearm usage. Perhaps now it will also train the agents in etiquette. “Even macho men can be polite,” he stated.

The press conference was concluded by White House Press Secretary Jay Carney with the observation that “President Obama projects an image of sophistication; so can those selected to guard him.”

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

NEWS BRIEF

Over the years observers of The Washington Post Company have witnessed many changes to it. Katharine “Boss Lady” Graham struggled for control of its jewel, The Washington Post, with her alcoholic, philandering husband Philip. Only by committing Phil to a mental institution could “Boss Lady” truly become “boss.” There, Phil was to commit “suicide,” ending forever his threat to seize control of the Post and run it, aided and comforted by his mistress.

FNP has been aware of a rumor that arose at that time that an employee of the private mental institution helped Phil Graham obtain certain occult ingredients to employ in a spell. Phil Graham was both a Marxist and an occultist. According to this employee, he helped Phil Graham, who used Black Magic, to place a curse on the “Boss Lady” and The Post.

Trouble began to brew at The Post. Warren Buffet started buying shares of The Washington Post Company in behalf of the London Rothschild family through his investment front, the Berkshire Hathaway hedge fund. Later, he would gain a chair on the Board of Directors of The Washington Post Company. Through his association of financiers Buffet held the share price of this Washington media company at absurdly high levels. [Even today this money-losing media giant, floundering in antiquated technologies, has astonishingly high share price.]

Many Post-watchers believe that the high price per share was an incentive to push geo-political initiatives favored by the clandestine Bilderberger association of incredibly rich, royal, and/or propagandistically well-positioned individuals. An incentive implies the existence of a disincentive. FNP believes that the Graham family buckled to the will of the Bilderberger group of which they were individual participants. Of course to some extent they must have been “fellow travelers.”

The net power equation at The Post changed from the Graham family to the Rothschild-Rockefeller axis of evil.

After “Boss Lady” broke the union strike at The Post, she was able to force peonage on her workers.

“Boss Lady” was also able to “hamstring” the Nixon Administration, eventually hemming in President Nixon with threats of criminal charges, leading to the impeachment threat.

At that point The Post had reached the acme of its prestige. It was about this time that the Bilderbergers let “Boss Lady” know that they would be running The Post. She would be, in effect, a front.

She was a proud and powerful woman, so this revelation was initially resisted. However, the level of power giving her orders could not be resisted. From about this point Katharine Graham began to suffer dark changes. Many Graham observers wondered if it was “Phil’s Curse.”

As with Emperor Tiberius during his last years, Katharine began to indulge in unwholesome sport. Her eyebrow-raising relationship with the young journalist and Capitol Hill intern, Chandra Levy, engendered many whispers. The apparent death of this young Mossad agent had to be re-packaged to protect “Boss Lady” and The Post.

According to many sources, Katharine Graham had become concerned by all the changes she saw in her own son, Donnie. His obsession with Richard Widmark movies indicated to her that he may suffer from a genetically inherited mental problem. Everyone whispered about his “strangeness.” His “Kiss of Donnie” cry as he embraced his mom once seemed endearing; now, she felt a tremble and dread. Then there was the Emil infatuation.

After the “accident” in Wyoming, Donald Graham took over the reins at The Post, under the watchful eye of Warren Buffet.

The inept Donnie went from one failed idea to the next. He tried The Washington Post “Blue Points.” There were rumors that he would hire O.J. Simpson to write a Sports Page column. He attempted to publish a bi-lingual Post paper, using one half to report in English and the other half to report in Spanish. He announced that The Post would cease to be published in English. This was followed by his announcement that The Washington Post name would be dropped in favor of El Tiempo Latino. It would be a kosher newspaper – the first major media outlet that was officially kosher. El Tiempo Latino newspaper could now be used as a tablecloth or doily at Seder and other occasions.

As FNP readers are aware, Donnie did not limit his changes to The Washington Post. Rumors abounded about his sex-change operation. He initiated the Myra Breckinridge Awards to celebrate change. As Donnie noted, “Life’s about change.”

As challenging as his example is for ordinary people to follow, Donald Graham has astonished even the Bilderberger crowd with the recent revelation from Israeli media star, Gurli Gur, that Donald Graham would fly to Jerusalem to have an “ovarian-uterine” transplant. Rumors have had it that Donnie had been desperately unhappy because he could not give Emil any son. After finding a Haitian donor, Donnie decided to have the operation. Only Israeli doctors had successfully transplanted sexual organs. “My people!” thought Donnie.

If all went well, Donald Graham, now calling himself “LaDonna” Graham, would seek the Scottish crown, as independent spirits have been reawakened in that ancient kingdom demanding the restoration of a sovereign nation, ruled by its own royalty. Since FNP published the startling claim that Philip Graham was descended from the royal blood of Mary, Queen of Scotland – albeit unlawfully, the Graham family has been quietly soliciting support among the leading figures and organizations in Scotland.  According to local Graham-watchers, there is now broad support for a Graham to be crowned “king of Scotland” or “queen of Scotland.” These same sources say that Donnie, or “LaDonna”, will “go with the flow.”

FNP has noted how highly placed figures in America have praised change. William Jefferson “Billy Jeff” Clinton has frequently encouraged “change.”

FNP nominates the Graham family as the “Great American Change Artists.”

“What you see is not necessarily what you get.” – Ancient motto of alchemists.

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington,DC:

NEWS BRIEF

This is breaking news. According to highly placed sources in the Obama Administration, the President met secretly at the White House with his top experts on terror. FNP was advised that about 70% of the discussion was about “lone wolf” terrorists. The general consensus was that the U.S. had a growing domestic threat. President Obama had demanded “hard facts.”

These sources identified CIA Director Petraeus and DoD Secretary Panetta as suggesting that Iran might be “planting” terrorists within the United States. Director Petraeus stated that his agency had gathered intelligence from “moles” within the Iranian government which suggested to agency experts that Iran had targeted the United States for terror. He stated that Iran had a sinister base located in its wilderness that seemed to have the character of the “mythic” Area 51 in America.

At this point Sec. Panetta leaned forward, looked the President in the eye, and said, “Mr. President, tell the Iranians to get the damn freaks out of the cave!”

Our sources agreed that President Obama then asked, “If the Iranians are producing ‘terrorist freaks of mass destruction,’ is that not technically in violation of the United Nations provisions under the Be Nice Protocols? Aren’t we free to nuke ‘em?”

At this point Attorney General Holder commented that it would be wise to get the British, French and Israelis aboard so that the President would be seen as speaking for the “world community.”

This procedure was unanimously agreed to by the distinguished gathering.

According to our sources, who spoke on the basis of anonymity, President Obama asked for hard numbers of Iranian-planted “lone wolves” in America.

Responding to the President’s question, Director Mueller stated that the FBI had gathered 20 million tips from patriotic Americans to date. Multi-Dissectional Analyses of these tips, according to Director Mueller, suggested a very large population of domestic “lone wolves.” He speculated that perhaps half could be traced to Iranian plants. He stated that these Iranian plants were “expanding almost like a plague.”

President Obama was described as “stunned.” Our sources agree that he then looked at Secretary Panetta and said, “Germ warfare! We’re under attack.”

FBI Director Mueller then introduced a top scientist with the Center for Disease Control, Dr. Phengold Quilly.

Looking gravely at the president, Dr. Quilly stated with measured authority, “Mr. President, America suffers from a “lone wolf” pandemic. It is imperative that we find and isolate them. If this effort should result in a certain percentage of innocent Americans being quarantined, then this collateral damage must be viewed as acceptable. Meanwhile, CDC will lead the fight to produce a vaccine that will cure the minds of these dangerous freaks.”

The President then turned to Janet Napolitano and said, “Work closely with the CDC on this. All Americans must be vaccinated. And put a chip in the vaccine – just in case.”

FNP was advised that the meeting broke up shortly after. Each member was ordered to give this priority. This story should have “legs.” FNP will keep on top of this story.

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington,DC:

SPORTS BRIEF

Officials at the Super Bowl Committee have now revealed the featured entertainment during halftime. Michael FitzSebastian O’Phallas announced today that the committee desired a new approach to entertainment at this most sacred of sports events. For years the Super Bowl had provided its audience, both live and remote, with the greatest names in music singing some of the greatest hits in Rock-n-Roll’s illustrious history.

Mr. O’Phallas stated that there was evidence from the ratings that suggested the viewers were getting a little bored with the presentations, even when partial nudity was sneaked into the program.

Searching for historically appealing forms of entertainment, the Super bowl Committee had considered the presentations of Rome, France and England, which it felt had stood the test of time. However, after due diligence, the Committee has finally given its approval for a Vince McMahon extravaganza that had been submitted for review.

Mr. McMahon envisioned a program that would honor the name of one of football’s greatest coaches. By honoring him all football would share in “the glory.”

As described by Mr. McMahon, a recreation of “Bear” Bryant’s historic wrestling match with a bear would be presented. As Mr. Bryant was unable to perform his own role, a “Bear” Bryant impersonator had been selected from a list of the top twenty in this field. Furthermore, a substitute bear had been captured and trained for the role of “wrestling bear.”

Mr. O’Phallas interrupted Vince briefly to assure reporters that every effort was made to achieve authenticity. The original bear had been mounted and hug on the wall of a Fordyce, Arkansas tavern. Hence, the Committee was able to achieve an excellent likeness.

The two combatants will wrestle, according to Mr. McMahon, but they will use the modern format of mixed-martial arts. In this way “Bear” Bryant’s legacy will be honored, while creating a new, exciting presentation for contemporary viewers.

In addition – to peak viewers’ appetites for the match – a boxing-style weigh-in will be offered, allowing the two combatants to “get in each other’s face.” A “bear-psychologist” will translate the thoughts and feelings of the bear into words, which “Bear” Bryant can counter – if he has the courage.

FNP is certain that “Bear” has the courage to stand up to the “trash-talking” of the bear. As seasoned newshounds, we know better than to bait the bear – or is it Bear?

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

NEWS BRIEF

FNP has learned from friends of Yoko Ono that she will definitely form a third party and run for president of the United States of America. According to one close friend (who requested anonymity), Yoko will name her new party, The Imagine Party. It will embrace the principles established by John Lennon and Yoko Ono for “World Love Now.”

The Obama Administration takes the political threat seriously. As Joe Biden was quoted by a highly placed official at the White House, “If Yo Power manifests itself in 2012, I may well be spending this time next year assisting the new Vice President during transition.

Yo Power is the mystical union of yin and yang through universal love and music. Yoko hopes to empower every person in the world through her “love-imagine” doctrine. “Let there be diversity in oneness,” she urged. “Let musical cords sooth all discords.

Republican solons scoff at the thought of Yoko Ono waging a successful campaign. Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) asked derisively, “How many billionaires does she command?”

Still, Yoko Ono believes in love. “We will defeat the billionaires with Yo Power,” she was quoted as telling a close adviser.

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington, DC:

NEWS BRIEF

According to highly placed officials in the Executive Building adjoining the White House, there have been several late night meetings between President Obama, Attorney General Eric Holder and F.B.I. Director Robert Mueller that have focused on a new peril facing America. Although none of these sources actually attended these meetings, one source volunteered on the basis of strict anonymity that a highly placed White House aide, who had attended the meetings, had reported to him that Holder and Mueller warned President Obama that “lone wolf” terrorists were operating in every state in America. They showed the President many photographs surreptitiously taken by F.B.I. Agents of confirmed “lone wolf” terrorists.

Usually reliable sources in the intelligence community have confirmed to FNP that the highest priority was being given to this new threat to America. One such source provided us with the following photograph of a “lone wolf” terrorist:

FNP is a news business, and it is our duty to our profession and to our readers to reveal this information as “breaking news.” Philosophical questions about the nature of national threats, and arguments that delve into the intriguing questions about “wolf pack” terrorist threats versus “lone wolf” terrorist threats will not be joined here.

There have been reports over radio news outlets by specialists in terror of a growing concern in the intelligence community with domestic terror, which is typically referenced as “home-grown” terror. As one guest expert stated over the radio, “We can no longer trust Auntie Em.”

FNP has learned that a new program entitled “Tough Love” will soon be announced by Mr. Holder and Director Mueller. It has the full approval of the President. Sources within the Department of Justice tell FNP that there has been forged a broad bipartisan support in Congress for this new Executive Order. Bette Midler has consented to create skits to demonstrate how “Tough Love” would work on Main Street. She will work closely with the Justice Department.

According to our sources, the main themes of “Tough Love” will be the isolation of “lone wolves” from their hiding places among the trees (people), the incarceration of “lone wolves” in isolation cells, so they can’t form packs, and the injection into the “lone wolves” of feelings of love for other citizens and their government. FNP was informed that a new “Love Potion #9” had been created in laboratories at Fort Detrick, MD, and it was successfully tested on crazed patients.

Therefore, the program appears to be benign and rather advanced. There is every reason to suppose that the disease of hate that has infected “lone wolf” terrorists can be healed, or at least treated successfully.

FNP was advised by high officials in the F.B.I. that, as promising as all these developments are, for the present every American citizen must be on the lookout for “lone wolf” tendencies in his fellow citizens. “A good citizen does not 'rat' on anyone; he informs authorities”, advised an aide to Director Mueller.

FNP will provide our readers with an anonymously sent photograph that allegedly depicts a “lone wolf” terrorist.

Faux News Press (FNP)_Washington,DC: 

NEWS BRIEF

FNP has learned from usually reliable sources that Republican Newt Gingrich has secretly met with Israeli President Binyamin Netanyahu on an unannounced trip to the Jewish homeland. Mr. Gingrich, who is seeking his party’s nomination to run for president of the United States, has been rumored to be seeking the support of Mr. Netanyahu. The Israeli leader is thought to have surprising clout in American presidential races.

According to Israeli media star, Gurli Gur, the local media perceive Mr. Gingrich as on a “muscle-flexing” mission. These Israeli newshounds view the Republican hopefuls for their party’s presidential candidate as strongly supportive of the Jewish state. After all, Michelle Bachmann had graduated from high school and lived on an Israeli kibutz. Mitt Romney believes that Jews and Mormons are brother Israelites. Herman Cain was strongly supportive of Israeli policies in the Middle East. All the Republican Tea Party leaders had flown to the Jewish state as soon as possible to be anointed “kosher” politicians.

Given the “rush to tribute” of the Republican Party leadership, the Israelis fully expected the same from Newt Gingrich, affirmed Gurli Gur.

FNP could not help noticing the point that the Israeli newshounds fully expected Mr. Gingrich to “flex muscles.” There may be a Newt vs. “Bibi” macho thing involved as well. Newt Gingrich is thought to be an agile, smart politician. FNP believes that he hopes to establish a rough parity between himself and “Bibi.” The other candidates and hopefuls have established the supremacy of President Binyamin Netanyahu and the Israeli state. If Mr. Gingrich can achieve a rough parity, then he would have done what no other American politician has.

Yet, according to Gurli Gur, there are politically sophisticated Israelis who whisper that Newt Gingrich really wants to president of Israel. His wife is Jewish. Many believe that Newt has secretly converted. If he became president of the United States of America and if he helped the Jewish state achieve new glory, then there would be a possibility that he might retire after his term of office as president to the Israeli state. The “Law of Return” would apply to Newt and his wife. In their new homeland Mr. and Mrs. Gingrich might consider the presidency of the Israeli state a “duty” that Newt must explore.

FNP might be embarrassed to mention this rumor at this time, if we were not so conscious of Newt Gingrich’s ambitious nature. He might be the first man to be elected president of two different states. As of this printing, FNP knows of no other example.

As always, FNP will keep its eyes on this story.